Dear Readers

I remember moments.....

Some of the entry may contain academic articles ... and if you are interested in copying or using the articles in this blog, please acknowledge the writer. Thanks so much...... ymrk...since...2007

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Tuesday, 11 September 2012

My Heaven

Experience traveling around the world has given me the opportunity to acquire creativity in life. Its in the way how I represent myself to the world. And being a person that is most of the time calm, and relax but could be very strong personality and determination in life, has lead my passion to decorate my life space WHITE.
To visit Flea markets, garage sales or even thrift stores are a must for me each time I travel abroad. Its like a tunnel of inspiration see the items and while wondering into the shops, my mind is transforming the items directly to my house. The goods may only come with old painted style but my mind can make it a harmonious combination when it comes to my own interior design skills.
I always think white... for my culture sometimes white is relate to the sorrow, gloomy and death even though it could also mean spiritual strength, purification and perfection. But the infuse of white color could be dated even more metaphysical way.
As far as I remember, I seldom ended my traveling with huge paper bags of branded handbags, shirts, shoes or perfumes as most people do (even though sometime I do!!). Major attractions are on collectible items like spoon, mini mugs/jugs, unique and authentic classic items or it could be only a wooden spoon but with a craft that is significant to me.. or even a piece of paper or an old book with a signature of the writer could be so priceless to me. Exposing my collections does not mean being show off but it gives me pleasure and put them out to enjoy.
Most importantly, that I want to emphasize is the comfort feeling. A little thing will change the look instantly!

Tuesday, 31 July 2012


i have lots of things to write but my fingers just cannot move! about my papers... my travel cats.... my new kittens... my work progress.... bla bla bla..... BUT..................................... Ulat M telah menyeraaaaaaaaangggg !!!! Huarggghhhh !!! and I wish i could borrow other people's fingers that they could update fb status each seconds! and the amazing thing.. they self claimed that the status came from their mind and spontaneously ... pelik kan? as if we dont know the updates are all auto-subscribed .. and may be they have forgotten that, not only them subscribe the auto-updates.... eekekkke dunia dunia... lantak laa labu...

Monday, 16 April 2012

Zaman dulu dulu lagi .....

Do you dare? ...

It was 60sen .... now its RM1.50

Thursday, 29 March 2012


Arghhhhh I only have one month to complete the whole chapter .... but I am too lazy to do so.... on the other hand, it seems that I put more interest in doing something else... ohhhhh pleaseeeeeeee.......................

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Wadi Hussien

Alhamdulillah, it was an ad hoc plan ... my parents were here as their monthly visit to our 'Wadi Khalju' ... and lots of things have been done... we repaired the water hose, piping, met the workshop man to see the progress of our car ... changed the absorber for Abang Naza .... and finally, to make abah happy, we decided to take him to meet his old good friend, a famous political writer, S.H. Al-Attas or known as Pak Habib.

Since I was small, his books were everywhere in our little library at the attic... most of the books were in RED ! and I have starting reading his book when I was in primary school.. at that time I won few writing competition at school ..... and having said that, silently I said to myself, one day I will become a writer .. I want to be like this person!! (VERANGAN derrrr...... but alhamdulillah....... VERANGAN comes true kan? kekekekek)

When we arrived, he was already there... with RED cowboy hat and RED jeans with Kemeja kotak kotak ... just like my dad .... kekekekekkee oldtimer laa katakan.... kekekekekek.......They started chit chat ..... and we were wondering in his Hana Garden.....

Monday, 12 March 2012

Old School - SMC

Here’s a rousing cheer
For our Convent dear
On fair Johor Bahru
May we be faithful to every rule
To each tradition true
Through weal or woe we forward go
United great and small
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
Through far we roam
From our ancient home
Our thoughts will often stray
Back to these happy convent days
Where our hearts are warm and gay
We love each dear familiar room
And gaze with rightful pride
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysians sunshine smiles
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysians sunshine smiles
May the good Lord bless
Our sultan kind
Who in peace preserves our town
He ‘throned Our Lady’s image there
Where she sweetly gazes down
God keep us loyal to our friends
Our teachers and our rules
May we bless the day
When we found our way
To our own dear Convent School
May we bless the day
When we found our way
To our own dear Convent School

Thursday, 8 March 2012


I have been sitting at a laptop for almost 8 hours a day, and now my right shoulder and neck hurt extremely ..... lately the pain start at my back - so much to the point that I feel lazy to start working on my papers.... and I can hardly complete my job (hehehe.... escapism ke??? ) But sometimes the pain comes when I'm driving.... its still on my right shoulder ... went to Uni's hospital and did sonotron therapy... it helps ... but when the pain comes back... should I go for another sonotron? I did that a lot after my car accident last year... and I dont think I would repeat the same tho it really work with my muscle pain....

There are so many DONTs when dealing with this issue.... dont do this.. dont do that.... dont slouch in front of the computer ...dont sit for hours in front of a computer without breaks...dont ignore back twinges and back pain, hoping that the problem will resolve itself...dont perch a laptop on the lap and stare down at the screen - this places extra strain on the neck, spine and arms iskkk..... many many more..... but what can person like me should do when computer/lap top is the only way I can do my work.....

INTERNET??? no... while I'm working, normally I'll never mix up with internet-leisure thing... unless if I need a little ( I mean really little break like 2 mins )break .... (so dont suggest me to take a walk or tea for that 2 mins!)

Or should I start to do my work in this posture?? You try it first and let me know does this work! hahahahaha

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Uudam - Wu Da Mu : Mother in the Dream

This boy really touch my heart .. the way he sang the song is heartwarming .. To watch his full video and song that make people cry ... click this :

"You are going to sing Eji in the dream, what is Eji?"

"Eji is mother."

"Why do you choose this song?"

"I like to sing this song whenever I am thinking of my mother."

"Is she here?"

"No, she is in the heaven."

"Oh.... I am sorry, is your father here with you?"

"He has passed away in a car accident."

Thursday, 26 January 2012

THERESE J. BORCHARD said about 11 ways ..... and YMRK said 1 way ...

11 ways to help people in denial....

What if your friend, mother, sibling, or father-in-law is severely depressed but refuses to recognize it?

Most of us have been there at least once in our life: the awkward spot where you know a loved one has a mood disorder or drinking problem, but is too stubborn to admit it and to proud to get help. You might see the consequence his behavior is having on his children, his job, or his marriage, but he is blissfully blind or is in too much pain to see the truth.

What can you do, short of taking the person by his shoulders, shaking him, while screaming, “Wake the hell up and see what you are doing?!?”

It’s very complicated.

Because people are different.

Mood disorders vary.

And families are as unique as the illnesses themselves.

After doing a bit of research and consulting with a few mental health professionals, I have compiled this list of suggestions, to be read as merely that: suggestions.

1. Educate yourself.

The first responsible thing you can do is to educate yourself. Because you can’t really spot a type of disorder without knowing its symptoms. In guessing that a sister is depressed, you should know if there have been any significant changes in her diet, sleep, energy, and so forth. You can’t really assume your brother-in-law is bipolar based on Matt Damon’s performance as a pathological liar/bipolar freak in “The Informant!” or that a friend is obsessive-compulsive because her behavior resembles Jack Nicholson’s in “As Good As It Gets.”

Educating yourself is not only going to help you gather the facts that you need in order to know how sick your loved is, but it is going to help you feel more in control of the situation—so that you can guard yourself against the fruitcake that will be hurled at you come Christmas dinner. It won’t be a TOTAL surprise.

2. Gather the information.

Here comes the fun part. You get to pretend you are a detective for a month or so and gather any facts you can about the person without a) invading her privacy, or 2) bringing on an awkward confrontation. If you think she is depressed, ask about her diet. “Are you still eating Chipotle’s Burrito Bowl for lunch? No? Why not? Are you still playing tennis on Tuesday nights? Why have you stopped? What book are you reading for your book club? Have you hosted any of the meetings recently? It’s helpful to get together with any mutual friends and/or family members who would have additional information, so that together you can get a truer picture of what’s going on. The person may tell you something that contradicts your sister’s information, and the discrepancy can be even more significant than either of the answers. After studying the symptoms of the disorder that you think your loved one has, you will better know the information you need to find out.

3. Make a plan.

Here’s where it gets hard, because there is no right solution, and you can’t know the appropriate approach until it’s over. There is, of course, the intervention: when you gather together family and friends of the person and you all publicly confront the person with his behavior. Everyone either expresses a way that he/she has been affected, or reads a letter, or does something that ultimately communicates, “Dude. Uncool.” The intervention is the most extreme approach, and isn’t right for every situation. It can be when a person is in danger of either hurting himself or hurting someone else –by suicide, recklessness, or severe substance abuse. In some cases, police may even need to be called.

As much as we’d like to be able to force a sibling or friend or parent into treatment, we simply can’t. They have to meet strict criteria for being committed involuntarily to an inpatient hospitalization program. Someone has to prove that they are incapable of meeting their own basic survival needs (paying bills, proper hygiene, nutrition) or that they are a danger to themselves or others. States vary with regard to the criteria, but it is not easy to make the case because you have to bypass all those human rights and stuff that we have.

So, that leaves ….

4. State the facts.

You’ve studied up. You have the evidence. You know that she is depressed, but not so severely that she presents a risk to herself or to her family. And yet … the disorder is clearly wreaking havoc on her home life as well as her friendships and job. What do you do?

You start with the facts, and depending on how the conversation is going, you end with the facts. No one can dispute facts. They are what they are. They have no emotion or judgment or attitude attached to them. And they are especially heard when spoken from a person who has done her homework.

For example, when I was in that spot—being confronted by a friend about my severe depression six years ago—she simply listed a few things that I couldn’t deny: 1) there was food on my robe, 2) I couldn’t stop crying, 3) I had lost 15 pounds in two months, 4) I wasn’t speaking in coherent sentences, 5) she wasn’t the only one worried about me — there were at least three others.

My husband could have told me in vague language that he was worried about me, but I probably wouldn’t have listened because he wasn’t a doctor and he wasn’t laying down concrete evidence. I could hear what my friend was saying because I knew she had done her homework and was merely calling out the obvious, not making a general judgment of me.

5. Be sincere.

If you speak from your heart, you can’t really go wrong. What is done in love isn’t always interpreted with love, but you can live in peace knowing that you spoke the truth and you acted in love. In twelve-step support programs, step nine involves making amends to people we have harmed in the past. If we choose to express our regrets and say we are sorry, we are advised to concentrate on our half: on our intention, the reason we are doing it, and keeping it there — to not attach expectation of any kind. If we go in thinking that we are going to rectify an estranged relationship, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

The same philosophy holds for a confrontation. If the intention of our confrontation is to make our friend get help for her disorder, we may very well come away shattered. However, if we voice our concern simply as an act of love, we will be at peace knowing we have spoken the truth and tried, even if she continues to deny the problem.

6. Say “I.”

As a kid of an alcoholic who was sent to twelve-step meetings for families of alcoholics before I hit high school, I learned early on to begin all my sentences with “I.” If you begin a sentence with “You,” you are usually making some unfair, or maybe even incorrect assumptions. But if you stay with “I,” you have a much better case because you and you alone control your feelings. Therefore, try saying, “I feel sad when I see you …” instead of “You are making a mess of your life.” Even though all you’ve done is stuck in “I” in the sentence, you come across a tad less judgmental and a bit more empathetic.

Words need to be chosen carefully in these situations. For that reason, I compiled two lists awhile back: “10 things you SHOULD say to a depressed person,” and “10 things you should NOT say to a depressed person.” Some of these would definitely work on a friend or relative swimming in denial. They are conversation starters or gentle introductions to the big elephant conversation, even if you want to skip over the elephant for now.

7. Ask questions.

In addition to using “I” statements, you can ask questions. This allows the person to arrive at her own conclusion on her own schedule. Planting the seed with some gentle inquiries like, “Do you think you might be depressed?” is often more powerful than a statement like “I think you’re depressed,” because you have left her with a question that she can answer in her own time. I recently asked an older, wiser friend what to do about a friend of mine who, I fear, is heading in a dangerous direction. “Ask her a few questions,” he advised me. “Plant the seeds for whenever she is ready to deal with it.”

8. Provide some resources.

If you do decide to confront your loved one, or try to plant the seed, you might want to be ready with some resources she can use should she ever wake up to her problem. Fortunately for me, I’ve been to most psychiatrists in Annapolis, so I know which ones are the best. I’m also on a first-name basis with most of the therapists. I have a list of names, support groups, and reading material to hand to a person suffering from depression, which gets them from point A to point B, should they ever choose to go to B.

When a high school teacher confronted me about my alcohol abuse, she gave me the number of a friend of hers that attended twelve-step support groups. She was prepared to help me make the first leap to recovery. I would not have called a hotline asking for the closest meeting. That would have been too scary. By providing some resources, you are helping your loved one make that first step.

9. Leave the door open.

After asking questions, using “I” statements, and providing resources, the only thing left is to leave the door open. “I’m here if you need me” is all you really have to say. And that goes a long way. Trust me. Sometimes it has taken me years to get to a place that I can walk through the door. No one ever forgets an open door, even if she choose not to walk through it.

10. Set boundaries.

To protect yourself, be sure to set your own boundaries. For example, if your best friend is drinking too much and you think she has a problem, but she refuses to go there, you might want to cancel girls’ night – because you have had enough of the obnoxious behavior. Or you may want to always drive separately because you don’t want to wait around until she is ready to go, and you don’t like being the chauffeur everywhere. Or you might pull the plug on those fun sleepovers she used to plan with your kids. Unfortunately our human powers are only good on ourselves.

11. Take care of you.

You can’t force recovery on your loved one but you CAN keep yourself well and sane. Be sure to get the help you need in dealing with her behavior, because she can’t begin to dig herself out of the hole, if you fall in with her. Seek support for yourself so that you can stay resilient amidst the inconsistency and confusion that mood disorders and addiction bring into a home.

And MY ONE WAY ... to help people in denial ...

The best way is PRAYERS .....

......yang bermaksud:

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku adalah hambaMu, anak kepada hambaMu, anak kepada hamba perempuanMu, ubun-ubunku di tanganMu, terlaksana ke atasku hukumanMu dan adil kehakimanMu terhadapku, aku memohon kepadaMu dengan setiap nama yang Engkau namakan dengannya diriMu, atau Engkau turunkan di dalam kitabMu, atau Engkau telah mengajarnya kepada seseorang daripada makhlukMu atau yang tersembunyi pada ilmu ghaib di sisiMu, jadikanlah Al-Quran penenang hatiku, cahaya di dadaku, penghapus kedukaanku dan penghilang kesusahanku.

*** change 'ku' to 'nya' : to refer to the person you targeted... ***

2010 - 2012

2010 was (should be) great year.. because both my sister and my self finally completed our higher-end education qualification. Its not due to the title given to our names, but its more on self satisfaction...

The "SO WHAT" question that have been bombarded into our mind during the 7 long years... now, we can pass it on to those who like to criticize others ..... so what if I wore 'Japanese Slipper' a.k.a Selipar Jepun and Khaki ... so what if I drove a Kancil .... so what if I said something fool at my FB status??? .... most important thing... I dah ada 'Doktor' ... kau ada?? tak de kan?? (a famous quote from Malay movie - Awek Aku Pontianak) .... and has become a jargon for the youngsters... so.. jangan laa nak kecil hati kata orang kata 'kau ada?? tak de kan??'

My sister did on Mental Imagery and I did on CBT and Spirituality. Actual fact, I was not prepare to do this research degree... but having said that I alwasy accompany my sister to her classes, her discussions, meeting with supervisors... and I was thinking and I should do mine... but I rather not serious about it... main main je.. just like I did before in local Uni. after came back from OVC. Dalam hal main main... hantar paper.. rectify sekali.. alhamdulillah.. pass pulak!!

Unfortunately, we had had a bad accident.. and cannot attend the graduation ceremony in Arizona USA... sedeh... my sister pulak, had to use wheelchair in her graduation ceremony with special letter from hospital... only if I went to the same Uni, sure adik beradik, dua dua naik pentas pakai wheelchair! hahaha... pelik nya laa hai....

Dugaan Dugaan....but semuanya terlerai, and now, I have a new mission for my sister.. ... i want her to be somebody else.... ni sedang usaha.. harap berjaya!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012


"hmmmmm.................. "

It has been ages I have not reporting anything of my progress here... so many things happened in 2011. It was a recovery year.. healing from all negative energies...but I still have beautiful memories of 2011. Lots of things... regarding my day-to-day activities, personal life, study life, anything.... just name it... I am a person with different hats!

As a rabbit, according to Chinese calender.... in the year of the Dragon, I can successfully correct the mistakes of last year, correct any activities, which for some reason took a slightly diverted direction. Trained with psychological tools, Insya Allah and always I will learn to cope with difficulties, and combat all obstacles in optimistic moods.

This year, I will begin to achieve with simple victories.. simple achievement, IS STILL AN ACHIEVEMENT to me... and may exaggerate my euphoria of success kekekek...but I must be aware and alert for not to celebrate simple victories for long.. as it could lead to obstacles and challenges in the future.

For that, I have to change.

According to the 'experts', rabbit in the year of the Dragon (2012), I will receive good news from within the family (and I do hope because early of this year, abah complaints of having chest pain... his condition is not so good lately... yesterday, mak managed to get him to the doctor for a thorough check up.. and the result will be out next week... and we really need GOOD NEWS!!).

They also quoted that there will be rising income (hehehehe yeahhh I hope the projects scheduled are on!) and along with that, I think I have to carefully outlined my own expenditure.. bak kata orang laa kan... besar periuk, besar lah kerak nya... but what I want is besar periuk, besarlah jamuannya!

As I am writing this, in front of me a is a cup of ganoderma coffee.. which really make my head dizzy and drowsy... and what the 'experts' mentioned in most of the forecast articles on Chinese Calender 2012, the Rabbits may experience mood-swings from time-to-time.... AND I AM EXPERIENCING IT NOW! due to the coffee laa kan??

Living with Dragon (my sister) I think the Rabbit should take care and try to moderate these considering the volatility inherent in the nature of Dragon Years. kekekee .... mau hangus Rabbit kene 'spray' ngan api karang laa kan?? kekekekek